How to Buy Practically Anything

Guys’ Appliances

Yes, I know what you’re thinking—you know darn well how to buy tools and gadgets. But there are appliances you may not know how to pick out from a lineup of muggers. That’s why this page exists.

Blenders:
Smoothies and milkshakes are wonderful things. A smoothie is the perfect way to wake up in the morning before you run to class. Fresh or frozen is one of the best of all possible ways to hide the taste of that nasty protein powder you may be downing as part of your fitness regimen.

Look for one that has high ratings, good reviews, and a replacement warranty. You may think it is ridiculous to ask for a warranty on a humble blender, but you have not seen what I have seen. When I was in my fraternity house, one of my brothers was a strapping young man named Finn. Finn went through three blenders from all the healthy smoothies and juices he made himself each day. A lacrosse physique, it seems, will not nourish itself.

Sandwich Presses:
Is there anything better than a hot grilled ham and cheese for a lame day? No, there absolutely isn’t. A sandwich makes any grilled sandwich concoction as easy as assembling the sandwich and clamping the press closed until the cheese starts to ooze out. Plus you can bring a girl over for a dinner of “Panini” and impress her.

A good sandwich press will have a cast-iron griddle and a warranty. Whether or not it has grooves or not is a matter of personal preference.

Toasters:
This one is not something you want to buy from a thrift shop. I almost set the house on fire with two pop-tarts and an old vintage General Electric toaster. That day Dianne took me out for burgers and to buy my first brand spanking new toaster.

Look for something that has four slots if you live in house full of other guys who will be using the toaster all at the same time. We all want our toast, and we want it now.